And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
