Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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