it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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