Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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