She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My vagina is officially offended.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
