u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
