where am i from again
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize