You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
