if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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