my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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