This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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