Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Be still, my beating vagina.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
