Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
tell me about the fingering
Randomize