Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
