Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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