I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
