Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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