Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you never un-have a 4some
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
