i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
