I'm drive I can fine osifer
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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