I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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