wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
