I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize