Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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