You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
