My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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