Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
