she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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