By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My ass is underappreciated
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize