1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
