that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
