Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
