You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
