he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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