her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
