shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
