Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
