woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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