dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
