we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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