clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
