That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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