I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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