your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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