I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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