I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
