dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
