I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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