Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we made out on top of his cat.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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