My first STD was from a foam party
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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