My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize