The maid of honor just puked.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
