I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
