There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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