You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
