Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
