i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
