I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
