well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
