So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
