i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
