I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
