i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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