She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
