Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
