The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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