The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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