He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
