Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
