So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize