he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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