who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
