I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
