well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
