mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
