I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
