How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
