If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
