can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize