If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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