he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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