Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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