omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just tell him i said nine months
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
