how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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