Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
