make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
