forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
