I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
