how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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