Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
