Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize