that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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