I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
