That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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