Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
