No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
