Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize