I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm always down for nudity.
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