we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize