Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
