Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
