Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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