laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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